Mikala167

Quick Update- I. AM. OK.

I have a few extra minutes at work right now and since i haven't posted in so long I wanted to write down my current state of mind. 

My last post was pretty dramatic and I still tear up when I re-read it. That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. First, losing my best friend in the whole world, someone who knew me inside and out. Second, feeling like it's completely my fault and being so hard on myself for all the things I thought I had done wrong. Third, feeling completely alone and being on my own for the first time... ever.

Aside from all of that, I can't tell you how liberated I feel at this very moment.  There are still things I need to get through in order to be completely free of her but at the moment, I feel great.

It's still hard thinking about the friendship that's just not there anymore, but I don't even want it.  If it comes with all the bullshit I had been going through for the past 6 years, no thank you. It's just not worth it to me anymore.

After going through every single situation from start to beginning over and over and over again in my mind and trying to see where I could have done things differently, or trying to see where I fucked up or just trying to make sense out of what happened, I've come to the conclusion that it wasn't my fault.  I had some fault in it, yes, but the end of that relationship was not because of things that I had done. Although I convinced myself it was. God, how horrible I felt. I can't believe I let myself think those things and question whether or not I was worthy of her or even if I was a good person! FUCK THAT. I am a good person. I don't cheat, I don't lie. I know who I am. I am not perfect. BUT I am a good person. Shame on me for thinking otherwise.

Being alone in that house in the beginning sucked. It sucked a lot. I've never been alone before, I am a total serial monogamist, and I didn't know how to deal with it. Even when we broke up a couple of years ago and i got my own apartment, I never spent any of my time there. I was still always at my house. That being said, living alone in that house was the BEST thing that has ever happened to me. I fucking LOVE that shit now. I can do whatever I want, I dont have to worry about other peoples schedules, I can watch whatever i want to on TV when i want to watch it. I've become the man and the woman of the house cooking, cleaning, yard work... this bitch can get it done. It is hard work to run a house and have 4 animals and take care of them all on your own, not like I really had any help before... but i digress.

I've truly learned to love living alone and I have learned a lot about myself. I am so much stronger than I thought and I'm so much more capable of doing things when I know I have to do them myself. I love that feeling.

I have to cut this short right now because the baby just woke up... but I am happy and I am looking forward to what the future brings. :)

And to all my friends who were there for me, thank you so much. I know there are times when I would have actually lost it if you hadn't been there. I'm so thankful to have you and I hope you know how appreciated you are and what wonderful people you are. 

Weekend Fun

So this past weekend was a blast!

FRIDAY
Friday night we had a couple of people over our house for just a chill night in our PJ's ( well some of us in PJs).. hehe. That was so much fun as usual. I love just being to chill and not have to worry about impressing people... its so nice and relaxing.

SATURDAY
   Katie and i picked up our new rugs!!! YAY! we got a new area rug for the living room... looks awesome, and totally brightens up the room. To me it looks more like an "adult" room now. God, really? But im excited for them. No more smelly kaka rugs in my house! We also got a new rug for the back room. Technically it's supposed to be an outdoor rug, but it goes perfectly back there so now it's an indoor rug!
   We also went to a BBQ at our friends Kevin and Brian's House.  OMG.. they smoked everything they served (except the salads).  The food was OOC delicious. I ate so much that day.. oh and to top it all off they had made homemade cookie ice cream sandwiches... ridic. Oh and we got to see Lisa and Darcy there too! yay! Lisa made her famous jell-o shots, scrumptious.  We even got to take some home!
   After the BBQ, My friend Britt came down to see me! We just had a lot of popcorn and got silly. Katie went out with her friends so me and Britty had a girlie night. It was exactly how I wanted to spend my Saturday night.

SUNDAY
Sunday was a perfect beach day, so me and Britty decided to go to the beach.  Our friend's TinaMarie and Kat were headed to the beach too so we met up with them and they were nice enough to shuttle us in so we didnt have to pay! My friend Lynnie-Loo was coming to CT for her birthday dinner with her aunt that day so she took the train in early and came with us to the beach too! We packed a cooler and just chilled all day.  It was so nice. Katie and I got re-burnt, eventhough we put lotion on this time too.. but definitely not as bad as the last time we went. Holy Moly.

So that was it. A pretty stress-free weekend, well, not stress free.  Lets call it stress-almost-free.  Putting those damn rugs in underneath my huge sectional sucked ass.

Oh and just a quick update: I got a call back today for a Para job in West Haven!!!! I have to take a math and language arts test on thursday as part of the interview process... I have a feeling the interview process is going to end right there.. I suck at math. But I'll def keep you posted on how I do!! YAY!!
 

Job Search

I finally started to apply for jobs last week. Finally schools are posting jobs for the 09-10 school year. I had been looking every week starting in May, thinking that schools would post before the school year was over for the upcoming school year. Nope. Budgets still needed to pass, so the only postings they had up were for Summer school and over the summer jobs. So May quickly turned into June, which quickly turned into late June, which quickly turned into early July, no job postings yet, I was starting to sweat a bit. Then last week, everything turned around as I happened upon my first 09-10 school year job posting.

Thank God!

There seemed to be a lot open as I looked further, so I got all my resumes, cover letters, letters of rec, and transcripts all ready to go. I started to print out applications and send all my paperwork out. I sent out at least five or six packets to different schools who had jobs posted. Have I heard from one of them? No. 

I AM SO FREAKED OUT AT THIS POINT.

Now it's turned into a frantic search-every-single-school-website-every-day-a-thon.  I don't know what I'm going to do if I don't get a job. I cannot afford to not have a job. There's no way Katie can support both of us...

I don't want to write about this anymore. No sense in getting crazy just yet.

QotD: "Fast" Food

If you were going to enter a competitive eating contest, what food would you choose to speed eat?

Well, the first food that comes to mind that I could literally eat until i passed out is McDonald's Big Macs.  Ugh.. my mouth just started to salivate.. what is in the special sauce?? I don't know but i could smear it all over my body... better yet, Katie's body and lick it all off nice and slow....

I just reread that and grossed myself out a little bit.

Anyway, Big mac's are tasty, and Im sure I could eat a lot of them but they're not practical speed food.  I think the most practical food for ME to eat is Planter's Cheese Balls. 

Cheese balls

I can totally demolish a canister of them in minutes...effortlessly. I have no doubt that I would win against anyone who challenged me to a Cheese Ball eating contest. The key is to get them wet... then they just smush down to cheesy paste... I know it sounds gross but its delicious as its happening inside your mouth. I believe getting hot dogs wet has the same effect, at least with the buns anyway. Isn't that what the professional hot dog eaters do? Dip the whole thing in a big glass of water first?

 I dont dip the cheese balls in water, just to make that clear, I do like to suck on them and get all the cheese off though and as that happens they break down. 

Poor Katie.. if only she were made of cheese and special sauce.

QotD: Grill Master

What's your favorite food to cook on the grill?

GrilledSteak

I love to grill STEAK.  And I have to say... Im pretty damn good at it.

Not necessarily T-bone ( in the pic). My favorite cut is a nice thick-cut Ribeye. Mmmmm Marinate that in teriyaki... cook it up medium rare. damn.. that sounds good right about now. Gotta grill the corn on the cob to go with it too!

QotD: One Day. $100,000.

If you had one day to spend $100,000 - and you had to spend it totally selfishly - what would you buy?

$100,000 to spend on just me?? Well, let's get started.

oh wait... I thought that was a million. damn. i just started listing "paying off my mortgage" and shit. F that.

If I only have $100,000 I would first give HALF of it to the government because those assholes are just going to take it from me anyway... then i'd pay off my debt and with whatever I had left pay that towards my mortgage.

Being an adult is no fun.

QotD: My Ideal Life Ten Years from Now…

What does your ideal lifestyle look like 10 years from now?
Presented by Intel, Sponsors of Tomorrow.

Oh man, I've got this all planned out. 

Ten years from now I will be living in Hawaii with my Bubba.  We will have had probably 3 kids by then, at least. I will be a stay at home mom because we are rich.  Katie will have inherited some kind of fortune or won the lottery so she is stay at home as well. From there we just live out the good life on the beach, living the Aloha Spirit way, and we will live happily ever after in our mansion. The end.

ugh. wouldn't that be nice?!

Ten years from now I'll still probably be stuck in F'ing Connecticut, paying off debt, being an underpaid overworked elementary school teacher. Killing myself a little more every winter. Sounds awesome, doesnt it? Can't wait.

RIP Michael

Last night at 3:15PM PT Michael Jackson passed away from cardiac arrest. I am still in shock. I have grown up with Michael, and his music has been such an influence on me throughout my life. It basically molded my taste in music.

Upon hearing this news, in my car, on my way home from work, my heart broke and I could not control the tears.  Every radio station was playing his music.  I got home and watched the story for a little bit on TV but ultimately had to shut it off because it was just too sad.

I can remember as a child watching his music videos in awe. The way he moved was seamless and his voice was untouchable. I remember trying my hardest to Moonwalk in my socks across my hard wood floors. My brother used to go around grabbing his crotch and saying "Shamon!".  The Moonwalker movie has got to be my favorite memory of him... I would always think about that if I was ever in trouble Michael would save me and turn into a car to get out of a dead end... or turn into a huge robot to fight off the bad guys... ha. When Michael Jackson's History came out, my brother and I would watch it over and over.  Even back then, when people would say that he was gay... remember all that bullshit?... my brother and i would always back Michael up. To this day, with all the molestation accusations and rumors tainting his name, I always stood by him and never let that ruin his image for me. Michael went through a lot as a child and I truly believe that whatever happened was innocent. Yes, Michael has had his bizaar moments... dangling his child over a balcony... all the hospital masks in public and of course the plastic surgeries he's "never had"... but if you admire a person for what they have accomplished, personal things in their life should not be taken into account and Michael has accomplished so much.

So with that, I would just like to say that Michael will always be loved and cherished by millions worldwide. He will always remain the KING of pop and his legend and music will live on forever.

I love you Michael.  RIP.

Michael

Viva Las Vegas!!

ONE MORE DAY!!!!

This will most likely be my last post before I go to Vegas on Sunday!  I'm SO excited! Here's what we have planned to do so far...

First, when we get there on sunday, we have tickets to see Lewis Black!  I can't wait! Lewis Black cracks me up with his crazy anger management issues and his shaky finger! hahaha This is actually the newest edition to our journey out there. The girls we are going with just asked me yesterday, I think, if we wanted to go and we said yes, so they got the tickets and we are going! We get in at like 4PM I think and the show is at 9PM so we're going to have to get situated quickly! I doubt that will be a problem. I'm going to be like a freaking 4 year old on her first trip to Disney for the good Lord's sake.

Lewis black

Next, we are going to see Ka, a Cirque Du Soleil show. Its all about fire and fighting and stuff. It looks really cool. Check it out! Im really excited for this. I've never seen any Cirque du Soleil show and this one is supposed to be really cool.  We're going to see this Wednesday night.

That's all we have actually planned as far as shows go, but I want to see a good showgirl show too. Im going with a bunch of lesbos so i dont think that's going to be a hard thing to persuade the group to do.

There are some cool places i want to go for dinners as well. I think Thursday night, Katie and I want to go to dinner at the Stratosphere Hotel. There is a restaurant at the top of the tower that rotates! Its called Top of the World.  My Dad has eaten there before and said the food is fabulous. It's a little pricey, but so worth it! I'm totally OK with spending some money this trip. I deserve it and I saved, so I want this trip to be awesome! 

We are also going to be checking out the steakhouse Lynnie Loo recommended in her post about vegas called Strip Steak. I'm super excited for this too. I haven't had steak and i don't know how long and am TOTALLY treating myself to a thick ass ribeye... maybe even filet... the possibilities are endless!

Finally, we are going to check out the Excalibur casino's famous medievil style dinner show! Its called Tournament of Kings .  Eating with your hands, watching a joust and calling your waitress a wench, sounds like my kinda place!

So That's pretty much all I know about at this moment that we are going to do... but I'm sure when I get back we'll have done some other really cool things, I'll have more details about stuff i posted here and more stories about other things we did and there will be lots and lots of pictures. So Goodbye my voxie friends and I'll see you in a week!!

xoxox
M

Vox Hunt: Song from my childhood

Share a song you loved when you were a little kid.

I grew up with a lot of gay people in my family and so, I grew up on madonna. This is still my favorite song from madonna to this day! Enjoy!

Borderline- Madonna